High Tea

Paul Stammers chews things over at a city centre Chinese eaterie.

PERHAPS it’s because opium is something of a ‘retro’ drug that proprietors are able to get away with naming their hostelries after the narcotic, apparently without anyone being bothered.

It’s difficult to see how anyone – in this country, at least – would be able to open up Restaurant Cocaine or the Hashish Takeaway without provoking an outcry.

While opium is still much in evidence in Asia, the stuff comes nowadays from the poppy fields of Afghanistan rather than China – where Britain fought two wars in the 19th century, in a successful attempt to get the population hooked on the drug. But let’s not allow foreign policy matters to intrude.

Despite the naughty title, Cafe Opium – the offspring of the Opium Den, which used to be round the corner – is a fairly straightlaced establishment.

In fact, a hint of intrigue wouldn’t go amiss. Where, for instance, are the opium pipes (unlit, naturally, due to the smoking ban), the sepia pictures of sallow addicts puffing away, or a dog-eared copy of Thomas de Quincey’s Confessions of an English Opium Eater?

WHAT’S IT LIKE THEN?

On the gloomy side, which adds some character.

The lighting is provided by crystal chandeliers and coloured lanterns, while the dark wood tables are glass-topped and sturdy.

Notices in Chinese script are dotted around the restaurant (which is what it is, in terms of decor and prices, rather than a cafe), because the place is popular with Chinese diners.

There is a basement, but I didn’t venture into it when I dropped by for a bite to eat earlier this week.

Who knows – perhaps that’s where the subterfuge takes place? I believe, however, that it’s used for karaoke.

One feature about Cafe Opium is that there’s no music, muzak or any type of other ear-bothering melody.

WHAT DID YOU ORDER?

Sadly I was too late to take advantage of either the pre-theatre offer of selected bento boxes or noodle dishes, plus a soft drink, for £6.80, as this was available only between noon and 7pm.

Nor was dim sum to be had, as Cafe Opium doles it out only up to 5pm. Browsing the substantial menu – which offered a few Thai, Japanese, Malaysian and Singaporean creations as well as Chinese, mostly for about £7-£7.50 per dish – I decided on a bowl of salted cabbage and pork soup (£3.80) with a mug of jasmine tea (£1.30) as a starter, with a bento box of teriyaki beef rice as a main course.

That’s right. The tea was in a plain mug, although I was expecting this, as it had been mentioned on the menu.

I’m not sure why, but teapots seem to be unfashionable here. Perhaps I should have opted for the atrocious-sounding ying yang (a mix of coffee and iced tea) instead.

The food and drink arrived speedily and with a smile. A 10 per cent service charge applies here, so I was grateful that the staff seemed up to the job.

SOUNDS GOOD.

Ah. Well, it wasn’t especially good in my opinion, despite Cafe Opium’s reputation.

The soup was on the bland side – I couldn’t even taste much salt, although there was plenty of sliced pork as well as some chunks of cabbage.

Meanwhile, the bento box comprised some rather chewy slices of what I guessed was brisket, also not particularly flavoursome, with onions, rice, three small and slightly dry spring rolls, a pot of miso soup and some chilli sauce. A tad disappointing given the £7.30 price tag.

Once I’d indicated I wasn’t having dessert, the bill was presented immediately. Clearly this place doesn’t expect folk to linger, although on Monday night it wasn’t busy.

VERDICT: On the basis of this visit to Cafe Opium, I don’t see what the fuss is about.

If I was after a substantial Chinese meal I’d probably opt for Paddyfields in Hythe Bridge Street instead, while Noodlenation in Gloucester Green is a cheaper destination for snackers.